The Queen of Substitutions

My mother has long held the title of "The Queen of Substitutions." She will substitute one thing for another with out regard to scientific property or relevance. Sometimes the results are fine, like when she 'extends' sour cream by adding plain yogurt to it. Other times they've ended in disaster. But I've learned some good lessons, like: Never substitute Red Miso for White Miso in a misoae no matter how much it might seem like a good idea at the time. Or: Just because things look alike, doesn't mean they are alike. This lesson I learned the time she used powdered laundry detergent instead of dish detergent in our dish-washer in LA ("They looked the same!" she said) and I came downstairs to find suds interminably pouring out of the sides of the machine, all over the floor. It was straight out of "I Love Lucy."

Anyway, I was just reminded of this because she's making a cake to serve at the reception of her concert on Sunday. This is a time where it counts, where if the cake comes out badly, it will get served anyway. So, of course, she starts making additions and substitutions left and right. I saw on the counter: a tupperware of frozen cooked apples from last fall, a bottle of Kahlua and one of Absolut, a tub of lard, some recipe clippings that looked like they were from 1940.

Your guess is as good as mine. She turned to me with this worried look and said, "I hope it comes out okay..." I'll be sure to tell you how it tastes this weekend.